Charlie sidled up to the covered lump in the middle of the dank alley. She stooped, reaching for the corner of the sheet. A hand clutched her wrist. She wheeled about and stared into the eyes of Captain Roland.
“Don’t do it, Charlie.”
She swallowed at the knot in her throat and straightened.
“You don’t want to remember her that way.”
“I just wish…I should have…” Charlie massaged the back of her neck.
“There was nothing you could have done. This isn’t your fault.”
“But…”
“No.” The Captain held her shoulders, looking directly into her eyes. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
“I was supposed to have her back.” Hot tears formed, threatening to spill.
Charlie shook her head and returned from the reverie which consumed many of her waking hours.
Attending the funeral of her partner this morning stirred the images and her guilt anew. She had not only failed her partner but was forced to face Brenda’s parents with that truth lodged in her mind. They voiced no blame, but their eyes told a different story.
Charlie paced through her small apartment like a caged animal. Two more days remained of her leave time from the police department, but she couldn’t stare at these four walls any longer. Ten days off amounted to too short for her grief but too long alone with the memories.
Her cell phone chimed. She snatched it from her purse. The screen indicated Captain Roland, so she quickly hit accept.
“Charlie? Captain here. I wondered if you might come in tomorrow. I have something I need to discuss with you.” His tone was serious.
“Sure. I’ll be in first thing in the morning.”
“Great. I’ll see you then.”
Charlie ended the call and plunked onto the sofa. No indication of what this was all about. She’d followed everything the captain had asked of her, including seeing that good-for-nothing counselor. Though her stomach still roiled at what those drug dealers had done to Brenda, Charlie never let on that her mind overflowed with vengeance. Had the woman seen right through her? Would she still have a career after her meeting tomorrow? She was good at her job, right? Being a police officer had always been her dream and passion. Had she wrecked that by being too emotional? By befriending when she should have just remained aloof? Relationships always ended in tragedy with her.
She punched the throw pillow and then succumbed to weariness, sprawling on the couch. Upon waking, the clock teased a mere forty-minute nap. She heaved a sigh and loped to her bed for another fitful night. Her eyes glimpsed each hour, so she finally rose, showered, and munched a granola bar. Now it was time to stop guessing and meet her superior officer.
Captain Roland was sure to notice the dark circles under her eyes despite her efforts to cover them, but lack of sleep was hard to disguise. Charlie plunged through the front doors of the police station. Several “heys” and “sorry for your losses” echoed around her as she made her way to the captain’s office. She only responded with a courtesy nod to each.
She slowed, inhaled a deep breath, and knocked. Time to face the music.
